A PEZ Movie… Really Hollywood!?

WARNING:  I apologize ahead of time that this article is rather long.  However I should warn you that this is more of a rant of mine which I have carefully put together to explain how the creative minds of Hollywood are now going insane.  This my friends is how I feel that a  PEZ  movie is moving into production…  

Hollywood has generated a vast amount of ideas over the years creating memorable films we can watch over and over again.  Most films start by one person having a great vision of putting his work on paper and translating that to a screen.  Great film directors know how to tell a great story.  Films such as  Star Wars, Forest Gump, The Matrix, Indiana Jones, Back to the Future,  and  The Sixth Sense,  are just some of the prime examples that Hollywood has given us to experience the breathtaking adventure and shows the passion that was put into each of these films.

Perhaps the biggest industry that arguably has perhaps the best creative team on the planet are the folks at Pixar.  A film about toys that come to life and the feeling of the inner child inside of us makes the  Toy Story  franchise that much more enjoyable.  Besides the darkness, children are always fearful of that scary monster hiding in the closet.  Out pops the film  Monsters Inc  where they receive power to generate the city based on the screams from the children.  The most recent Pixar masterpiece depicted all of the feelings we have including joy, sadness, anger, fear, and disgust.  That film was named  Inside Out  and told a beautiful story without coming across too cheesy.

The point I’m trying to make here is that the writers and creators of Hollywood have an endless amount of ways to make a film.  There’s always going to be ideas thrown around that may sound dumb or stupid beyond belief, but most of the time I’d like to think that a company would not be willing to throw millions of dollars towards a film that has no chance of being successful.

Constructing films is a business whether we like it or not.  While Hollywood obviously does not want to make a crappy film, sometimes the best intentions aren’t so good.  No one wants to lose money in any capacity.  After all, who wants to take the blame for a horrendous film?  The answer is obviously no one.  Sure Hollywood has had plenty of hits and misses over the years but they have also had films that have often been overlooked (The Iron Giant  anyone?).

I don’t wish to keep rambling on and on about how to make a good film because quite frankly I’m not a very creative person as far as coming up with ideas to a film.  I enjoy movies as they are and appreciate all of the effort that goes into making a film.  I give a ton of credit for the effort that is made when crafting a good film.  You don’t always need the best director around to make a fantastic movie.  You just need the right writer with a good script who has a vision for potentially crafting an amazing film.  It is entirely up to the film corporations such as SONY, 20th Century Fox, Universal, etc. to fund the movie and allow the creators behind the film to do their thing.  If a studio is willing to give the director and writers enough money to cover the budget, then that tells me that the studio has a lot of faith in its developers.

With that being said, Hollywood has clearly run out of ideas.

With the age of the reboots upon us, films are constantly brought back to life time and time again. Just recently it was announced that the  Nightmare on Elm Street  franchise would again be rebooted for the third time shortly after the 2010 disaster.  There have also been talks that both Friday the 13th  and the  Halloween  franchise would also be getting rebooted.  And it’s not just horror films either.  Total Recall, Robocop, Star Trek, The Planet of the Apes,  and also the  Fantastic Four  are just some of the films that have received a reboot.

Whether good or bad, the point here is that Hollywood has run out of originality.  It’s either a reboot or a very DUMB idea.  Case and point being, the just announced  PEZ  movie.

Now when I read online somewhere that they were creating a movie based on those candy dispensers, I couldn’t help but think of that episode of  Seinfeld  where Jerry takes a Tweety Bird pez dispenser and places it on a chair in between him and Elaine.  You can check out the clip below!  

The show is obviously about nothing and that’s what makes it hilarious.  I mean c’mon how do you create an episode that’s based just on muffin tops, the today sponge, a meat slicer, a cigar store Indian, the “bro,” or one of my personal favorites: a coffee table book about coffee tables?  Get the picture?  These are all inanimate objects used in ONE episode but it does not overshadow the ENTIRE show.  The single episode may be called “The Pez Dispenser” but is it really just about the dispenser?  No, clearly not.  But that’s what makes it funny and product placements are a beautiful thing when used the correct way.

Another example from  Seinfeld  is the Junior Mint when Kramer drops one inside of an open body on the operating table.  It’s hilarious when it happens but’s it’s even funnier when they think that the Junior Mint helped the man’s recovery when the doctor stated that it was something that could not be explained but rather “something from above.”

Clearly product placement can be beneficial even if it’s the ENTIRE film.  A prime example of this was last years  The Lego Movie.  This has to be one of the most surprising films to date.  When it was announced that Hollywood green-lit this film, the majority of people (including myself) believed it to be just one big commercial.  However, we were all wrong as Lord and Miller gave us a phenomenal film touching the hearts of both children and adults.  They have proven that you can take a wonderful product like  Lego  and spawn a nearly perfect film and make it successful.

However this  Pez  movie idea is just downright pathetic.  C’mon Hollywood, you can come up with better ideas than that!  Just a few weeks ago it was announced that there was a bidding war between Warner Bros., Paramount, and SONY (who eventually won) to get the rights to create an  Emoji  movie. You know those characters we all text our friends and Facebook message and what not?  Yea, those. Somehow the script must have been SO GOOD that the studios were fighting over the rights.  Give me a break.  Even though  Pixels  was a disappointment, I at least give them some credit for coming up with a great idea of old video games attacking cities relentlessly.  I just wish it was executed better.

I have now lost all hope Hollywood has to offer with inventive ideas.  It’s either another reboot or a dumb product placement used to make a film.  What other “creative” ideas is Hollywood going to come up with next?  I have a few suggestions of my own: How about a war film between the ‘old’ fashioned incandescent light bulbs vs. the newer fluorescent light bulbs.  After all, fluorescent lights are becoming more popular (energy efficiency) therefore making regular bulbs extinct.  Well you know what, they aren’t going to let that happen.  They will rise up and fight to the death until either side is victorious.  How you may ask?  I’m the wrong person to ask.  I think I’ll just find a studio who’s willing to pay me millions of dollars just based on my very GENERAL plot synopsis.  I’ll let them take care of the rest.

Here’s another one:  How about those  Keebler  Elves?  They’re all having a grand time baking cookies inside a tree for all to enjoy when all of a sudden COOKIE MONSTER appears and begins attacking the village to eat up all the cookies and the recipes!  It’s an all out brawl and the elves must now defend themselves with whatever weapons they can find.  This would clearly be a monster/horror movie with Cookie Monster being the villain (you heard it here first folks!)  However this may be a tough one to cook up (hey!) but I’m sure Keebler could try and share some of the rights with  Sesame Street  to make this film happen.  After all stranger things have happened right Spider-Man?

Here’s just a few others I’ve come up with: A Deck of Cards coming to life each forming their own army: The Spades, The Hearts, The Clubs, and The Diamonds.  Or how about taking a few phrases literally and making a movie out of it:  A Shooting Star?  Musical Chairs?  Or how about famous mascots on certain food or household items:  Larry the Quaker Man?  Elmer the bull?  The Helping Hand from  Hamburger Helper?  

I think by now you understand where I’m coming from (that is if you managed to read this entire article).  I really hope that Hollywood can get their act together and not waste all this money on crap. I know we should not be judging a film until it comes out because ALL films are subjective and should stay that way.  But when you have people who come up with these crazy ideas for a film and expect us to be excited for it, then we have a problem.  The creative people over at Hollywood have lost their minds and are clearly out to make whatever they can as long as we fill up the theater seats. If this is the kind of nonsense that Hollywood plans on forging, then I have lost all faith in a world full of potentially great ideas.

I’m scared to ask but are you excited to one day see a  PEZ  movie come to life?  How about the Emoji film?  What kinds of film ideas do you have for Hollywood that may start a bidding war between studios?  Please share your thoughts and comment below!  Once again thank you for reading through my rant.


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